Everything I learned about love I learned from mafia movies.
We’ve seen them, those romantic comedies where everything gets worked out and love looks “they way it’s supposed to”. It may be tempting to look at those movies (or the beautiful pictures of perfect couples proclaiming their love on social media) and in comparison feel that your love story is coming up short or not at all. Cry not for all of that is mostly fake. If you really want to build a successful relationship and experience true love, I encourage you to toss the rom-coms and get your hands on some good mafia movies.
Yes, mafia movies.
There's a special place in my heart for mafia movies. Through watching them I have learned that The Godfather is truer to the essence of love than Sweet Sixteen. Unfortunately, we believe our love and marriage will be more of the latter than the former and our expectations become completely unrealistic.
In honor of Valentine’s Day let’s dive into the lessons mafia movies can teach us.
1. To the world we're impenetrable.
What is a good mafia movie without the undertone of being one. Watch enough mafia movies and you’ll start to see that no matter what is going on in an organization, the squad and how they appear to the outside world always comes first.
In love and inside your home, the disagreements will happen from day one until the last day. This is fine and normal, but real love is about showing a united front to the world and letting others know there is an invisible line they cannot cross. There’s your marriage and then there’s them, and woe-is-me to anybody who tries to break it down.
2. You don’t have to agree to know the love is there.
True love is honesty. We think that true love will envelop us in a world of yes and agreements.
Nothing could be further from the truth! True love is annoyingly honest and in your relationship you will likely disagree more than agree. When someone really loves you, they are not going to be a yes person to you all the time. They want to see your long-term success and won't jeopardize it for your short-term satisfaction. True love is going to tell you what nobody else will say, but then they will kiss you and tell you they love you. And mean it.
3. Respect is of high importance.
True love is respect for your other half and it doesn’t stop there. Respect trickles down to all the parts of your relationship including your in-laws. We don’t always love all of our in-laws and we don’t have to. But true love means you respect those people and value the peace of mind of your significant other over your own need to state your case.
4. Always have each other’s back.
Like all mafia movies, there will be jail, hospitals, legal woes or money trouble in your union. The bad times will happen and being there will be a true testament to how much you love one another. The times no one is documenting or taking pictures of or posting about on social media, those are the times when true love shows up. When you know you’re in deep poop, but you can count on looking up at that one face, that’s love.
5. Build slowly and steadily.
True love is built over time and with mundane gestures. It can be found in details like washing your car or making sure that one sweater they love is always clean. The fact is that real love is what you build over years and years of doing these small tasks not because they are exciting and over-the-top but because you just know it makes the other person feel good. This is the “sauce” of love and like Nonna’s secret recipe the longer it cooks the better it tastes.
6. Never betray me.
I don't have to tell you what happens to the snitch in mafia movies and there's a reason why they meet an unfortunate fate - they chose themselves above the team. Betrayal can lead to the entire breakdown of the organization. This is just as true in all relationships. When one person betrays the other a crack is made in the union and it’s really hard to go back to a good place. Stay true to the rules you and your spouse made about your union.
Choose “us” over “me” and you can be sure your relationship will offer you long-lasting doses of love you can’t refuse.
Not feeling so lucky in love? Let me help you! In honor of Valentine’s Day (and my upcoming anniversary in March) I’m offering 40% off all relationship coaching! I also do group coaching so if you have a group of friends who want to rehash their love life, I can help.
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for more information and prices.
All my love,